There is an extreme loneliness after the loss of a child that only another bereaved parent can understand, but there is a difference between loneliness and aloneness. After you lose a child there is a deep realization that you will never ever again have your child with you. At that point you are in a state where you need to realize that you are lonely, but never alone. You can seek out another bereaved parent on the website www.ParentsofSuicide.com or Google counselors who have lost children.
You can find compassionate friends in a group of people that have all lost children. Here you will find people that have gone through this experience and that understand your extreme loneliness. People who have not had this experience will simply look at you and say something like, “I’m so sorry, I don’t know what to do. I know I can’t fix this for you.”
So, one of the things you can do is surrender to the loneliness and aloneness, realizing that you are indeed without your child. One thing that can help you get through this is a quote by Carl Jung, “Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”
That longing that you have that you want your child to be there with you is again something that can overwhelm and overpower you. By talking with another bereaved parent, you can begin to ask them things like “How did you cope with this terrible loneliness?” “How did you cope with this longing?”
One of the things that will allow you to move out of this loneliness and aloneness is to start serving others. At this moment, someone reading this article might think this is an absolutely insane or laughable statement. However when we move to the place of seeing other people, we begin to realize that there is always somebody worse off than we are.
Our son passed away in January of 1998, in the state of Nebraska. That same year in April, there was an accident on the interstate, and the parents lost four children at one time. My husband and I looked at each other and said, “There is always someone worse off than we are.”
Another thing that you can do is to invite divine healing power to flow in, through and around you, holding you up and keeping you afloat in grace. Then in your aloneness ask yourself this question, “How can I love myself in this moment?”
One of the things you need to do is put an affirmation at the end of each one of these questions. Simply stand in front of the mirror, look at yourself and say, “I am loving myself in this very moment.” This will allow you to make a connection with yourself, and then you will realize that you are not alone.
You are truly not alone.