Healing your hurt is a process. It requires you to experience your emotions. It challenges you to dig deep and discover your hidden beliefs holding you back.
My Dear Community,
Sometimes life shakes me to my core. When I answered the phone Monday morning, I heard, “Our son died Saturday. We are broken and don’t know how to do this.” My entire body felt her words.
What I’ve come to understand is that we’re meant to feel our way through life. It’s essential to experience your emotions in order to heal your hurt.
Learn to process it, not loop in it.
We do tend to “loop” when in Raw Grief. Our brain simply cannot make sense of the loss.
I’ve had clients freeze in their grief. Doubling over, wailing, and wrapping their arms around their knees. I know this position. I have been there. The pain is so great we can only feel it.
The depth of this pain demands our attention.
But too often we distract ourselves instead. We are too busy getting “the next thing” done on our list. All the arrangements and rituals to get through.
Then, we do not feel the pain in our bodies. The pain in our back, the tightness in our chest, or the lump in our throat goes unnoticed.
Earlier this week I read this quote and it begged to be shared:
How you relate to an issue is the issue, and how you relate to yourself while you go through an issue is the issue.” ~ Drs, Ronald and Mary Hulnick, “Loyalty to Your Soul”
Is there dignity in wailing, rocking back and forth with snot dripping on the floor?
As it turns out, yes.
This is how we relate to grief. Those deep, dark, anguished feelings and thoughts. They’re a natural consequence of loss.
Processing grief is an inside job.
Feel the feelings. And then ask, “What is the belief that is triggering this feeling of___________?” This is doing the deep inner work of expressing our emotions in a healthy, introspective way.
For instance, parents who’ve had children die often think, “If only ____. Maybe I shouldn’t have ____.” It’s natural.
Yet focusing on the “should haves” creates more suffering. We cannot turn back the clock.
Stay present on the road to healing your hurt.
The road to healing requires we dig deep to discover hidden beliefs. Once found, the result is a kind of clearing, emotional release, or mental “Aha” moment. You feel the growth of inner strength and spiritual maturity.
You may not be in the state of Raw Grief. Not like the mother who called last Monday.
But your pain hasn’t morphed into joy either. Not yet. You’re still unable to feel gratitude or smile when memories surface.
In this state of Fragile Grief, you’re barely holding yourself together.
I know because I stayed in Fragile Grief for years. My thoughts kept me stuck in a loop of grief. Thoughts that triggered guilt and self-loathing.
Read more on the grief process, The 12 Truths of Grieving
How did I get unstuck?
By asking for help. Because doing the deep work of uncovering hidden beliefs is daunting. Accepting help is an act of generosity – for your soul, your mind, and your body.
Without a doubt, doing this inside emotional work can be distressing. Please call me. Because I know that YOU have the answers within you. All I do is listen and reflect your wisdom back to you.
Love all around, above, below, to the left and to the right, before you and behind you,