Grieving people dread being asked…

Grieving people dread being asked, How are you?


My Dear Community,


Earlier this week a client said, “I wish people wouldn’t ask me, ‘How are you?’ I am exhausted. I am sad. I am dreading the holidays.”


Yet, it’s automatic. We say, “Hi,” followed by, “How are you?”


Note the word automatic. Too many of our responses to people around us are automatic. We run on autopilot without really tuning in.


But we can learn to be thoughtfully present with others. We can learn how to reframe our questions; to ask mindful and meaningful questions.


Questions that let someone know they’re supported and cared about.



Your challenge, should you choose to accept it, is to pause.

For the next seven days practice the pause: note the facial expression and body posture of the person in front of you. If they seem tired, slumped, tense, sad, or angry choose to be there. Accept it. Stand in the gap with them.

Choose to see this beloved person, pause, breathe and THEN say:


“Hello. It’s so good to see you today.”

“Hello. You’re at work today. I missed you.”



Or if you know them well or live with them, be honest, authentic and vulnerable. Reflect. State what you see. Then check out your perception.


“I see puffiness around your eyes. Are you feeling tired?”

“I see puffiness around your eyes. Am I seeing accurately?”

“I see puffiness around your eyes. Am I getting you?”


Be the one who allows another to be seen, heard and ultimately understood.


“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” ~ Victor Frankl


Join the Discussion on our Facebook Page…….


Dear reader, I am showing up every day this week to read, like, and reply to each of your facebook posts. Then at the end of the week, one of my clients will choose the top three responses, insights, or questions, that comforts them the most.


So please post your responses, experiences, and Ahas in the Facebook group:


The three winners will receive The Virtual Gift Basket, Value $27.00.

The beauty of this gift basket is once you have it, you may send it as often as you wish.

Peace and Blessings ALL over,



P.S. If you are a grieving person that dreads “How are you?” then forward this to everyone who’s asking.


PPS: I lead trainings at companies on “How to be with a grieving person in the workplace.” Your referrals are appreciated.


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