When Grief Leaves You Feeling Defenseless

The world feels more chaotic. Traumatized people are seeking out therapy and support groups. They feel defenseless. Like their force-field shield is damaged.

The state of Raw Grief can feel like this. Like you have no protection. You’re either hypersensitive to touch or numb.

Everything familiar is gone. You feel unsafe, exposed, and traumatized as fear assaults every cell in your body. You may even feel as though you are not even in your body.

This is a reaction to loss. There’s nothing wrong with you. And remember, everyone grieves differently. Some people lash out, while others withdraw.

Some folks move into that ‘take charge – let’s get things done now’ mode because someone must make decisions. They move forward by filing divorce papers, consulting the oncologist, or arranging a funeral. For these people, feelings can be set aside and dealt with later.

[True. As long as you do circle back and allow yourself the time and space to grieve. Truly grieve.]

Six months after my brother, Mark, died by voluntary suicide, I awoke feeling paralyzed by depression. I had not done my grief work, so my mind and body brought me to a crashing halt – so I could listen to my heart.

Imagine yourself as a crab. Find a place of protection.

When a crab outgrows its shell, it seeks a big rock for protection. Once it’s under this protective safe space, the old shell sloughs off and the new begins to grow. The crab stays in place until its new shell has fully grown.

 Is there a tree in your neighborhood where you can lean back and feel the protection of support? Is it the smell of coffee, then that hot cup in your hands and first sip that signals, ‘in this moment I am safe’? Is it immersed in a hot lavender bubble bath where you can feel soothed again? Is it moving your arm straight out with palm up signaling, “Stop! Do not hug me.”?

Mine was sitting in the early hours of darkness enfolded in a blanket, curled up in my meditation chair. It was here, in the stillness and comfort of this familiar place that my vulnerable-self felt safe. Or at least I felt a faint recollection of safety.

Notice your places of protection. The moments where you feel safe to grieve. The things that restore your soul. Then list them in your journal.

Say this Affirmation throughout your day:

Right now, in this moment, breathing in and then breathing out, I am safe.

Now it’s your turn.

Reply to this email and let me know what safe places you’ve found.

Love all around, above, below, to the left and to the right, before you and behind you,

Georgena

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