Grieving people dread getting asked, ‘How are you?’
Premise: Everyone should learn how to be with a grieving person by reframing their questions
Problem: We run on autopilot – a trance – asking without really tuning in – without being present
Solution: Tune in, really notice the grieving person in front of you, reframe your questions
My Dear Community,
Earlier this week a client said, “I wish people wouldn’t ask me, ‘How are you?’ I am exhausted. I am sad. I am dreading the holidays.”
Yet, it’s automatic. We say, “Hi,” followed by, “How are you?”
Note the word automatic. Too many of our responses to people around us are automatic. We run on autopilot without really tuning in.
But we can learn to be thoughtfully present with others. We can learn how to reframe our questions; to ask mindful and meaningful questions.
Questions that let someone know they’re supported and cared about.
Your challenge, should you choose to accept it, is to pause.
For the next seven days practice the pause: note the facial expression and body posture of the person in front of you. If they seem tired, slumped, tense, sad, or angry choose to be there. Accept it. Stand in the gap with them.
Choose to see this beloved person, pause, breathe and THEN say:
“Hello. It’s so good to see you today.”
“Hello. You’re at work today. I missed you.”
Or if you know them well or live with them, be honest, authentic and vulnerable. Reflect. State what you see. Then check out your perception.
“I see puffiness around your eyes. Are you feeling tired?”
“I see puffiness around your eyes. Am I seeing accurately?”
“I see puffiness around your eyes. Am I getting you?”
Be the one who allows another to be seen, heard and ultimately understood.
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” ~ Victor Frankl
Peace and Blessings All Over,